While most human beings will engage in making some excuses in their lives, the common Ben Franklin saying “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else,” may be more of a self-fulfilling prophesy for excuse-makers than simply avoidance or laziness. Whether excuses are used to shift blame or improve what other people think, it may be easier for excuse-makers to live with excuses than think about living with having tried at something and failed.
Share with us a time when someone has give an excuse to you that you know was a lie. How did you know that it wasn't the truth? What verbal/nonverbal cues were there? How did it affect how you percieve that person?
I remember back in high school there was this girl i had a huge crush on. unfortunately i was stuck in the dreaded friend zone. when i mustered up the courage to ask her out, she let me down softly but i knew they were all lies. i asked her out on a real date, but she told me she was already had plans. when i asked her what she was doing she couldnt even look at me while she spoke. i knew she was making up an excuse to not go. Her eyes gave her away. And i ended up thinking less of her because a real friend is not scared to tell the truth.
ReplyDeleteThis one for me was the funniest excuse one of my children gave me. She is twenty-one now but at the time she was about sixteen. She came home with a distinctive red mark on her neck. Of I knew what it was but wanted to see what the answer would be when confronted by me. Her response was she fell in an ant pile, then it change to she was elbowed during basketball practice. How she couldn't look me in my eye and the smirk on her face I just knew. Can't get over on mom.
ReplyDeletethis was during the summer, me and my best friend would go see all the movies that were coming out. i told her i wanted to see this movie and to ask for the day off. she had to work so i went to see it. i started talking about the movie days later and she kept on listening. which was odd beacuse she was one of those people that HATES for people to spoil the movie! on purpose i kept talking about it and finally she told me she saw it. but had no choice. i know she did because it was odd for her not to stop me and say i have not seen the movie shut your mouth! lol.. so her niceness and going along with it, is what got her caught and i know her to well..she felt really really bad after! because she know i wanted to see it. lol i think you just know when someone is lying. i like to think i do.
ReplyDeleteI remember a time when I was lied to by someone that I thought was a friend. However I was mistaken. While heading to dinner with my girlfriend, I began asking if she had a good time at a party she attended the night before without me. She said the party was dull and not very exciting. While driving I didn’t think much of what she was saying. But when we reached the restaurant, I continued asking if anything out of the ordinary or exciting happen. She began to become very defensive. The tone in her voice became intensive and shape to the point. I started to pay close attention to what she had to say from then on. After being seated, I noticed that every time she spoke to me she wouldn’t look toward me. She even looked as if she could not get convertible in her chair and to me I felt that she did not wanted to be with me at that moment. I looked toward her and asked once more what happen at the party? She hit the table top and yield for me to stop bothering her about the party. So I did and said nothing after. A few days later a good friend of mine who had been at the same party my girlfriend was at came to me with some disturbing news. The night of the party he told me, my girlfriend arrived with another man. He was with her the entire night, hugging, kissing and drinking. After hearing this I decided to confront her about what I had just heard. Unfortunately my friend had told me the truth. She admitted that she did go to the party with a man she know and may have been drinking. After talking with her, I couldn’t stand to look at her. The girl I thought I know was not who was standing in the same room as I. Till this day I have not seen or talked to her after breaking off our relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhen I used to work at a mall in Rio, the manager of the store told me that on Saturdays the movement was huge so it always required 3 people to work until the closing. And she only told me that because I asked to leave early two times in the month to go to my friends' weddings!! I was able to atend one because i change the schedule with another girl, but the second wedding on the Saturday I stayed in the store. And about three hours before we had to close the store, the manager left to party!! Well, she was the manager!
ReplyDeleteThere have been many times when people have used excuses that I knew were lies but you really just have to move on with it. One time it really affected me was when my friend and I had plans to go to Europe. We had had the plans for over 6 months and I was super excited about going. My friend was very well off and bought his ticket without any worries. However, he was really struggling at school and never told me. I asked him if there was any reason I should be worried about him not being able to go with me and he said there was no reason and he was excited to go. Whenever we talked about it he used a lot of nonverbal cues that showed that he was unsure about his status, but told me everything was fine. He was never excited about it and never wanted to talk about any of our plans saying "we'll figure it out when we get there," and " just make the plans im down for whatever." 2 days before the trip he called me and told me that he had failed 2 classes and his parents wernt going to let him go on the trip and I had to go alone. It ended up being a great experience but it was really lame of him to do something like that.
ReplyDeleteSo my recollection took place a little while ago…closer to 15 years or so.
ReplyDeleteWe called my younger brother Yosemite Sam for a reason…he was a crazy little kid with one heck of a temper. He was also the kid, whom at the church bar-b-q, was asked what he wanted to drink from the ice chest. His reply, “Got any cold beer in there?!” He was around 4 at the time. He is only a year and eight days shy of myself. As we were running around the house one day…I noticed an out-of-place box at the bottom of the entry-way basket. To sum up my personality; the first thing I did, was go tell my parents. Then the interrogation began…
“Whose cigarettes are these?!”
I knew they were not mine, but it took more convincing than it should have to argue my point.
Of course…my brother was just as convinced that they did not belong to him either. “A man driving a black truck down the street tossed out the box, and I went to pick up the box, and and then I put them into the basket because I was going to throw them away later.” Was the excuse he eventually revealed.
“People do not throw away full boxes of cigarettes, they are too damn expensive.” My (non-smoking) parent’s quickly replied…actually that was my mom that said that. My dad just said, “That is Bulls**t!” “and why do you smell like cigarettes?!”
“I JUST WANTED TO TRY IT! OK?” was what emitted from my six year old brother’s mouth.
I think my parents were so shocked they just did not know how to react. I was just happy they were no longer accusing me!
It eventually came out he heisted them from another man at the ranch we boarded our horses at that time. He set them down before storing his saddle, came out, the box was gone…and so was my brother.
My brother also thought it would bring some redemption by telling us after lighting the first cigarette, he took a few puffs and threw it away…just didn’t like it, and that he only tried it one second time before the box was found.
A few months ago I caught my oldest daughter in a lie. She was sleeping in a pile of blankets on the floor in her room when I came in to wake her for breakfast. As I entered the room she buried herself in her blankets and became shifty underneath them. At first I thought she was just playing around but soon became suspicious of her behavior. I asked her what she was up to and to get up. She said "nothing" and acted like she was half asleep....again suspicious. I asked her what she was hiding from me then just said "let me see what you have." Eventually she produced the case to her ipod touch, which she had previously been restricted from and was supposed to be at her other house. I asked her to stand up...she did and seemed stiff. I asked her to walk a few steps for me.....when she finaly did, the ipod slid from her pajamas pant leg onto the floor. What was ironic about this was that she had been on restriction from the ipod for only two weeks , and it had already been a month! She was hiding it for no reason and ended up losing it again for lying to me. When I explained this to her later she just hung her head and groaned. I also reminded her how terrible she was at lying.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, i doubt what people say to me ALL the time. I often think that a lot of excuses i hear are lies. Like my dad says "excuses are like butt holes, everyone has one and they all stink." lol.
ReplyDeleteMann this is painful thinking about all the times i was let down, but here it goes. Okay so when I was like 16 about 6 years ago, my best friend at the time was the staying the night with me. We went to a show and when I was driving back home my mom told me she didn't like Beka (my best friend) and didn't want her at the house. Well Beka lived in Borne and i couldn't take her home. So I asked my boyfriend if Beka could stay at his house for a bit and I would sneak out and pick up Beka when my parents were asleep. So i sneak out for the first time and i'm freaking out and i rush to pick her up and she's being stubborn and doesn't want to leave becuase my boyfriend had invited some friends over and she wanted to stay. So i left becuase i was terrified of being caught by my parents. Before i left i told Beka, that i didn't want her to sleep in my boyfriend's room especially not on his bed. I then wake up early and called and i asked her where she was sleeping and she said on my boyfriend's bed. Then i asked where was he and she said "right beside me". Her excuse was "i was drunk and didn't remember getting there". STILL til this day i don't know the truth about what really happened, but i do know she was lying. She said they just kissed, he said NOTHING happened. Since it was over the phone i couldn't see her non verbals, but i knew something was wrong because i could hear it in her voice. Well i perceive her as being a slut, liar, and a terrible friend. I was filled with disappointment and rage. Things have never been the same after that.
Let me see, I had a psuedo friend back in 07 who graduated from highschool with me. We started hanging out when we were going to UTSA--she introduced me to the hipster lifestyle and first friday. She became more of a dimissive know-it-all who was the first on the scene of anything and everything hip and it annoyed me big time. I asked if she was going to a first friday coming up one month and she said no, so I went and spotted the little bitch in refried vintage. She was holding up and about to try on one of my mother's dresses I had sold there (with permission). I said hello and that it was cool she had picked up my mom's dress--her excitement for her selection went away and a grimace--a digusted look came on her face. She put it back on the rack--like a bitch--like a total douche.
ReplyDeleteChoose your friends wisely;the first red flag is the first of many red flags.
I remember a time when my mother mentioned she had left work early the day before. I asked why and she said she had a dr. appt. when I asked what the appt was for, she lied and said it was just an annual check up. I know my mother and she is very honest. She stuttered a bit and didnt make eye contact once. Later I found out that it was a breast cancer scare. Everything turned out okay, but she still tries to hide anything that may worry us. her verbal and non verbal communication gave it away.
ReplyDeleteok I remember back in this one relationship with this guy..I had asked him how old he was when we first met because I was interested in him and he told me 17 and his birthday was coming up the next month and he will be turning 18. At the time I was 19 and was like ok a year difference doesnt matter..that it will be alright. When his birthday came I was the only one excited because I thought he was turning 18 and kept saying happy 18th birthday..well to make the story short 6months in the relationship his mom came and told me that on his birthday he had turned 17..I was suprised and upset when I asked him about it he twitched and blinked his eyes more then usual and begin to fiddle with his hands.. these nonverbal activites of his led me to believe that his mother was telling the truth..When I asked why he lied he said because he really liked me and understood the age difference..lol so funny
ReplyDeleteI had a boyfriend that I was with for two years. Things had been going good for a while when I ran into some misfortune and lost my job. My mother started loaning me money to help soften the blow of being unemployed. My boyfriend was always in and out of jobs and most of the time I would be the one to pay for tickets to the movies or the check at dinner. After I lost my job however, I told him that I wasn't able to pay to go out all the time and suggested we stayed at home for movie nights and dinner at home. Slowly, he began to spend less and less time with me. He stopped calling to ask if he could see me, and when I called him he would start to stutter and say he had to work or already had plans with his family that night. I did some investigational work and came to find out that he was involved with a much older woman that he met on myspace. It didn't take me long to realize what was going on because his change in behavior was so rapid. His loss of interest and dismissive attitude were big clues into his newly developed alternative life.
ReplyDeleteWell usually every Saturday my friend goes with me to church, but recently he's been cancelling saying he's busy and has to study. Then I'll ask him about it and he won't answer and last minute he is always panicking even though he spent so much time studying. Then one weekend he blew me off and showed up at the same place I was with someone he said he didn't talk to anymore. Which I should have known he was lying because he always says I don't know and just changes the subject. So now I just down bother inviting him anywhere or asking him what he is going to do because I know its just a lie.
ReplyDeleteI had been a Squad Leader in the Army for over a year when one of my "better" soldiers didn't show up for our mandatory PT (Physical Training) one morning. When I called his cell phone, he told me that his truck had a flat, that he had to change it, and would meet me at work at 9:00. When he arrived, I was in the parking lot and noticed the tires. Nothing had changed from the previous week. When confronted about it, he confessed that he had overslept, and hadn't wanted to get into trouble with our Platoon Sergeant, who was at PT, but not at work. I had covered for him with the Platoon Sergeant and kept him out of trouble. He had knowingly lied to me.
ReplyDeleteA week later, I need to submit to my Platoon Sergeant, a name for an open Team Leader spot. He had been my first choice, but could no longer trust him. My second choice got the Team Leader position.
one night when i got home from work, relized that my young brother went to sleep early, i wonderd why. i started thinking that he did something wrong that he didnt want to tell me. i went into his room and saw his sweter on the floor so i picke it up, when i relized that it had a weird smokey smell. The next day i aske him why didnt he stay up late for me like you always do. he rplied that he was very tired and just wanted to go to sleep. so then i asked him why did your sweater smell funny like smoke. he replied to me that he went to the store and someone was smokeing a ciggarete by the door and got on to his sweater. to me it didnt smell like ciggertes it smell like marijuana. so he keept trying to change the subject but i realized that he wasnt looking into my eyes. i knew he was lying i wish he would tell me cause iam his big siter and i wouldt want him to be doing bad thigs.
ReplyDeleteI used to be a High School teacher in Mexico, some years ago, and when I asked my students, (15 to 17 years old), about some assignments and why they did not bring the homework to the class, some of them use to say excusses like, "I lose it" or 'I was sick", or "I didn't know" and while saying that, I kwew this was a lie, because the nonverbal communication like, smiling while talking, moving being nervous, avoiding eye contact, etcetera.
ReplyDeleteI remember one time a friend of mine told me that he couldn't take me to the store because he didn't have any gas in his truck. I knew he was lying because he had enough gas to come to my house but supposedly couldn't make it to the store a mile away; also, he looked to the right and broke eye contact when i asked him. When i told him i knew he was lying he let out a slight gasp in frustration. His paralanguage had said it all.
ReplyDeleteThe most simple example that comes to my mind is my brother. He is what one would called a chronic liar lol. It's never to be hurtful, its mostly about small stuff, like where he goes, or who he's with, but he lies to my dad, I would say just about daily, in order for things to go in his favor. I can always tell when he's lying by his stupid grin. He tends to not make eye contact with you. and there's just something about his facial expression that gives it away everytime. A better example just came to mind but its rather lengthy. The short version is my ex threw away my christmas things including my precious ornaments, and tried to use the excuse that he told my dad were they were....I called him out in front of my dad and he pretty much was speechless. What a looser still pisses me off today!!!!
ReplyDeleteWell since this just happened a few days ago....
ReplyDeleteI had gotten into an accident a few weeks back. Since I had full coverage, I called my insurance provider and they referred me to a certified dealership shop on the southside of san antonio. To make a long story short, they finally called me last thursday claiming my car was running "Better than ever" and that they needed me to get the rental car ASAP and come pick up my car.
Well everything seemed real fishy, because for one they called me 20 minutes before they closed, and second they were really pressuring me to get my car, even though I told them they should have told me earlier because I was no where near the area. So I still made the effort and got there a few minutes before they closed, payed my deductable and hop into my car. As soon as I crank my car up it was shaken real bad and I had a check engine light on. I tried to flag the lady down but she said they were closed and to come back the next day.
Well when I called the next day, she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about and told me that it was getting a check engine light because something was wrong with my computer in my car. I told her that I already went to autozone and they told me what that I was having 3 cylinder misfires (engine problem) and she still told me that I should go take it to a dodge dealership because It was fixed and running good when they called me.
Basically I could tell she was lying to me because she was talking fast like she was in a rush to get my car off there hands and when I brought up me going to autozone and they told me what was going on, she played real dumb like she didnt know what I was talkig about. She was also very rude which gave me the impression that she knew I had caught them in a lie.
I really lost alot of respect for them and even told my insurance provider that I was taking my car elsewhere. I got a call today from the manager there and he told me she got fired because a co-worker of hers heard to whole thing and reported her. I really didnt want that to happen but the manager said this was an ongoing issue with other people and told me that not to worry my car will be fixed properly and I wouldnt have to pay any additional money. They even payed for another rental car so in the end everything worked out good.